Know Your Monsters – The Blemmyes

(This was originally written as a part of the Needless Things 31 Days of Halloween series for October 2015. The article was removed from the site along with various other contributions and is now being republished here.)

In this hyper-political age, we’ve seen what seems to be an almost unending debate among the political class of this land over the highly charged topic of immigration reform. Countless hours are spent arguing whether this person or that person should be allowed citizenship for this country, whether still others should even be allowed into the country at all, and of course whether or not we’re giving some “a free pass” to citizenship. But what we have not seen, my friends, is the much more important question addressed. Should these people be able to bring their monsters with them?

Because, let’s face it, until this is addressed they will continue to come and eventually you will be faced with a kill or be killed situation with a creature that doesn’t follow the rules as you know them. Since we can’t count on legislation, we’ll have to turn to education. To that end, this series will give you the basics on the monsters that you only think you know but in fact play by other cultural rules. Today we look at the Blemmyes.

Know Your Monsters – The Romanian Vampire

(This was originally written as a part of the Needless Things 31 Days of Halloween series for October 2015. The article was removed from the site along with various other contributions and is now being republished here.)

In this hyper-political age, we’ve seen what seems to be an almost unending debate among the political class of this land over the highly charged topic of immigration reform. Countless hours are spent arguing whether this person or that person should be allowed citizenship for this country, whether still others should even be allowed into the country at all, and of course whether or not we’re giving some “a free pass” to citizenship. But what we have not seen, my friends, is the much more important question addressed. Should these people be able to bring their monsters with them?

Because, let’s face it, until this is addressed they will continue to come, and eventually you will be faced with a kill or be killed situation with a creature that doesn’t follow the rules as you know them. Since we can’t count on legislation, we’ll have to turn to education. To that end, this series will give you the basics on the monsters that you only think you know but in fact play by other cultural rules. Today’s monster is the Romanian Vampire.

The Worst Gimmick Match Ever

*** This was a lost article, originally done for Needless Things around WrestleMania week but purged from the archives when the site moved to WordPress and the older articles on the site were moved to Old Needless Things. Other than rewrites to eliminate references to it being WrestleMania weekend, this is largely the article as originally written. ***

A lot of people throw around the label of “the worst” when discussing some of the things that have happened in pro wrestling in the recent eras of the business. Certainly, WCW in its dying years gave us some real stinkers, TNA has given us some really bad moments when it’s been at its lowest, and WWE certainly hasn’t been immune from the four-finger stinker curse.  But there was once a match, a cage match to be precise, that should probably go down in wrestling history as the match where idea and execution collided to give us possibly both the worst gimmick idea for a match and the worst match in the history of professional wrestling. Despite popular opinion, it didn’t involve either Al Snow or a poor man’s Punjab prison mockup.

Around Dragon Con – The Center for Puppetry Arts

[This article was originally written for publication on the Needless Things website in August of 2018. Unfortunately, it was a part of the archives lost in the September 2018 migration of the site to a new platform. In the case of this and the other ‘Around Dragon Con’ articles being published this month, the things covered here are still as contemporary and relevant as they were when these articles were originally on Needless Things. Enjoy this one and the others, and, hopefully, you’ll find something in the ‘Around Dragon Con’ articles that will make your time in Atlanta better than it’s been before.]

 

Tucked away on the corner of 18^th Street and Spring Street in Atlanta, Georgia is the Center for Puppetry Arts. If you’ve been to Atlanta but never visited the Center for Puppetry Arts, this or next year’s trip down for Dragon Con would be very good times to consider rectifying this oversight. Now, unlike the Georgia Aquarium, this isn’t a sight you can see with just a short walk down the street from the Dragon Con host hotels. It’s anywhere from a 45 minute to 1-hour walk depending on who is doing the walking. You can drive to it in about 15 minutes, but what levels of insanity would you have to be suffering under to cause you to consider driving in downtown Atlanta?

Around Dragon Con – Food

[This article was originally written for publication on the Needless Things website in August of 2018. Unfortunately, it was a part of the archives lost in the September 2018 migration of the site to a new platform. In the case of this and the other ‘Around Dragon Con’ articles being published this month, the things covered here are still as contemporary and relevant as they were when these articles were originally on Needless Things. Enjoy this one and the others, and, hopefully, you’ll find something in the ‘Around Dragon Con’ articles that will make your time in Atlanta better than it’s been before.]

If there’s one piece of advice that we- as in anyone and everyone giving advice about Dragon Con –beat like a dead horse every year when talking to you- as in anyone going to Dragon Con no matter how many times you been before –every single year, it’s that you need to shower and use deodorant. Sometimes, like, say, Saturday, you might even want to do it more than once depending on what you’re wearing and doing, and, no, Axe body Spray, Febreze, and/or Fresh Linen scented Lysol are not acceptable substitutes. Yes, I have seen people at cons try to shortcut matters by spraying what they’re wearing (even while they’re wearing it) with half a can of Fresh Linen scented Lysol. It doesn’t work. Ever. So, yeah, get a shower in at the start or the end of each convention day.

However, right behind that bit of advice is the other beaten like a dead horse bit of advice pertaining to the human body’s nutritional needs. You must eat, and, preferably, you should do it more than once a day with meals consisting of more than power bars, meal drinks, and/or beef jerky. Fortunately, the hotels have their own restaurants, quick grab places, and bars that serve food and Dragon Con long ago conquered the Peachtree Center Food Court and made it the official convention canteen. Not so fortunately, all of these combined are not quite capable of serving and seating the now 85,000+ attendees with the same speed and efficiency of service that they can when not slammed with Dragon Con attendees, football fans, and the miscellaneous others in town for the various Labor Day weekend events. This is especially true on Saturday. That can occasionally be an issue when you want to have a good sit-down meal while not having the time to wait in line for 45 minutes and then having the (extremely understandable) smaller delays as the staff has to juggle serving you and the small army of other people looking for a meal.

That’s where a little pre-planning can help you out a lot.

Around Dragon Con – The Georgia Aquarium

[This article was originally written for publication on the Needless Things website in August of 2018. Unfortunately, it was a part of the archives lost in the September 2018 migration of the site to a new platform. In the case of this and the other ‘Around Dragon Con’ articles being published this month, the things covered here are still as contemporary and relevant as they were when these articles were originally on Needless Things. Enjoy this one and the others, and, hopefully, you’ll find something in the ‘Around Dragon Con’ articles that will make your time in Atlanta better than it’s been before.]

Located in downtown Atlanta by Centennial Olympic Park- just a few blocks diagonal from the Dragon Con host hotels -is the Georgia Aquarium. Officially opened to the public in 2005, it was the largest aquarium in the world until the 2012 opening of the Marine Life Park in Singapore. Someone else coming along and beating it out for sheer size was no small feat. The Georgia Aquarium is home to several thousand species of saltwater and freshwater life from around the world living and swimming in over 10 million gallons of water. Just a little over 6 million gallons of that water can be found in the aquarium’s primary exhibit, allowing it to be one of only two institutions in the world to house whale sharks. You’ll also see swimming alongside the whale sharks some of the largest manta rays you’re likely to ever see, as well as more fish and more varieties of fish than you can likely count in one single day’s trip to the Georgia Aquarium.

What’s sometimes still a surprise to me when at Dragon Con is talking to my fellow con-goers and discovering how many of them have never been to the Georgia Aquarium. It’s even more surprising when they seem to not even know there is a Georgia Aquarium. Why? Well…

Around Dragon Con – Preparation

[This article was originally written for publication on the Needless Things website in August of 2018. Unfortunately, it was a part of the archives lost in the September 2018 migration of the site to a new platform. In the case of this and the other ‘Around Dragon Con’ articles being published this month, the things covered here are still as contemporary and relevant as they were when these articles were originally on Needless Things. Enjoy this one and the others, and, hopefully, you’ll find something in the ‘Around Dragon Con’ articles that will make your time in Atlanta better than it’s been before.]

Preparation, you ask? What, you ask, is this another article about getting ready for Dragon Con going over all that well-worn advice about how it’s important to have quality snacks to nibble during the day, vital to hydrate, the importance of getting sleep, begging you to shower and use deodorant, reminding you to eat a few proper meals every day, etc. that gets written about and talked about every single year as Dragon Con draws closer? Well, outside of that sentence, no, not really.

This year I’ll be writing several articles talking about what’s out there around Dragon Con and not actually inside the official Dragon Con footprint. So, no, no talk about how it’s important to have snacks, hydrate, get rest, shower, use deodorant, etc. while at the con or even about getting in some exercise before heading down to Dragon Con so that the (now five day) weekend doesn’t kick your butt. However, we will be covering some of the same concepts as well as a few others that, while perhaps too late to make them useful this year, may make future Dragon Con weekends a bit more fun.

Take one more look at that photo of just one small portion of Atlanta. That’s a photo taken from a high spot over by The Georgia Aquarium (which we’ll be getting into a lot of detail about later in the month) and Centennial Olympic Park. That’s an area that a lot of people who I’ve spoken to who attend Dragon Con never seem to get around to visiting. This is somewhat surprising given the opportunity the layout offers for cosplay photoshoots and, of course, this little thing called the Dragon Con Night at The Aquarium.

This is one of the things I’d like to see more people change about their annual visits to Atlanta. Why? Because there’s a lot of stuff in Downtown Atlanta that are absolutely awesome to see and experience. How awesome? Since my family changed how we set up our Dragon Con vacation and started seeing more of the area, I’ve seriously considered relocating. Of course, I then somewhat more seriously consider the fact that I’ve got seven more years to go before I can retire from my department with a full retirement intact, and, well, Atlanta does seem to frequently get its summer weather on loan from Hell and I absolutely hate heat. So, for now, it’s just staying my favorite vacation spot.

Podcast Catch Up

Things have been a wee bit crazy of late. As such, I’ve been neglecting my writing here as well as keeping up with posting podcasts I’m a part of here. So, one post with a lot of podcast links. They’ll be a few extra podcasts included as well.

Why I like the Fact that Kevin Smith is Still Making Movies

Kevin Smith gets a lot of grief for his films lately. Here’s why I like that he’s still doing his thing his way.

Kevin Smith has been making films “professionally” since 1994’s Clerks. A series of films following Clerks made him a huge, buzzworthy name in cinema in the 1990s. Odds were good that there was at least one huge fan of Kevin Smith in almost every group of friends, and more than a few people around you were quoting Jay’s lines from any number of Jay & Silent Bob scenes. A lot of people were getting behind Kevin Smith’s success as a filmmaker. It was a great story of the little guy making good in the profession he loved. After all, this was a guy who somehow made it big with on a film that he made on only (originally) $27,000 and was almost entirely 92 minutes of just people talking to each other.

Building a Dark Shared Monsterverse

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED ON NEEDLESS THINGS ON JUNE 15, 2017

The newest iteration of the Mummy has come to the big screen, and all signs point to it leaving the big screen in fairly short order. I don’t write that with any sense of joy. I’m a horror guy. I like horror, and I actually like the Mummy as an iconic horror monster. I’d love to see more of the attempts at modern horror using the classic monsters succeed. I’d love to see a shared universe where the Universal Studios classic monsters all walk the same Earth. Unfortunately, it sometimes seems that we either won’t be getting that or that we’ll get it and it won’t be worth the time to watch it.