Know Your Monsters – The Blemmyes

(This was originally written as a part of the Needless Things 31 Days of Halloween series for October 2015. The article was removed from the site along with various other contributions and is now being republished here.)

In this hyper-political age, we’ve seen what seems to be an almost unending debate among the political class of this land over the highly charged topic of immigration reform. Countless hours are spent arguing whether this person or that person should be allowed citizenship for this country, whether still others should even be allowed into the country at all, and of course whether or not we’re giving some “a free pass” to citizenship. But what we have not seen, my friends, is the much more important question addressed. Should these people be able to bring their monsters with them?

Because, let’s face it, until this is addressed they will continue to come and eventually you will be faced with a kill or be killed situation with a creature that doesn’t follow the rules as you know them. Since we can’t count on legislation, we’ll have to turn to education. To that end, this series will give you the basics on the monsters that you only think you know but in fact play by other cultural rules. Today we look at the Blemmyes.

Know Your Monsters – The Romanian Vampire

(This was originally written as a part of the Needless Things 31 Days of Halloween series for October 2015. The article was removed from the site along with various other contributions and is now being republished here.)

In this hyper-political age, we’ve seen what seems to be an almost unending debate among the political class of this land over the highly charged topic of immigration reform. Countless hours are spent arguing whether this person or that person should be allowed citizenship for this country, whether still others should even be allowed into the country at all, and of course whether or not we’re giving some “a free pass” to citizenship. But what we have not seen, my friends, is the much more important question addressed. Should these people be able to bring their monsters with them?

Because, let’s face it, until this is addressed they will continue to come, and eventually you will be faced with a kill or be killed situation with a creature that doesn’t follow the rules as you know them. Since we can’t count on legislation, we’ll have to turn to education. To that end, this series will give you the basics on the monsters that you only think you know but in fact play by other cultural rules. Today’s monster is the Romanian Vampire.

Mystery Solved – The Johnstown Monster

Now, I can tell I have you thinking two things here. First, you’re wondering what the Johnstown Monster is and, second, you’re wondering what mystery about it has been solved. A headline like this is the kind of thing you expect from a Nessie or Bigfoot site when writing their latest article about how they’ve solved the mystery of the monster’s identity and determined the Loch Ness Monster is an overweight eel that hasn’t had sex in over fifty years. This would not be that type of mystery solved article.

No, this is about a movie. This is about the identity of a movie I’ve been trying to find the identity of for decades now. The mystery for me was what was the name of the movie I watched many moons ago in my long-forgotten youth. The answer I have finally found is 1971’s The Johnstown Monster.

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Slowly Watching the Monsters Die-Off

I’m in my late-forties. Among the various other things that this statement of age can represent, it means I’m from the generation who was born into one of the biggest monster and paranormal mania explosions into the pop culture of the last four or five decades.

Slowly Watching the Monsters Die Off

I’m in my mid-forties. Among the various other things that this statement can represent, it means for this topic that I’m from the generation who was born into one of the biggest monster and paranormal mania explosions into pop culture of the last four or five decades. My elementary and junior high school libraries were stocked with “nonfiction” books about the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, the Abominable Snowman, ghosts, U.F.O.s, and the various compilation books looking at all the other “real” monsters and mysteries out there. Roughly a quarter or more of the selection of our school book fairs would be similar books to buy and own. Turn the TV on at any time of the day in the late 1970s and early 1980s and the odds were you’d channel surf into more than a few TV shows on cable and network television dealing with the paranormal and cryptozoology, and all of them treating the matters as if they had the scientific authenticity of a documentary on the making of the first atomic bomb.

Things got really weird when in the late 1980s and early 1990s we saw major network specials, some hosted by hosts from their news arms, covering the paranormal, cryptozoology, and U.F.O.s. It was a strange time when one looks back on it. It makes you sometimes wonder what was going on with the psyche of the population as a whole that so many absurd things were being embraced so willingly. In truth they still are in some circles, but not to the degree they once were. But the whole-scale media embrace of these things and their promotion as fact back then may have ultimately had the opposite effect of legitimizing them. As a result, we’ve spent the last two or three decades watching the monsters slowly die.

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Know Your Monsters – The Lake Monster

In this hyper-political age we’ve seen what seems to be an almost unending debate among the political class of this land over the highly charged topic of immigration reform. Countless hours are spent arguing whether this person or that person should be allowed citizenship for this country, whether still others should even be allowed into the country at all, and of course whether or not we’re giving some “a free pass” to citizenship. But what we have not seen, my friends, is the much more important question addressed. Should these people be able to bring their monsters with them?

Because, let’s face it, until this is addressed they will continue to come and eventually you will be faced with a kill or be killed situation with a creature that doesn’t follow the rules as you know them. Since we can’t count on legislation, we’ll have to turn to education. To that end, this series will give you the basics on the monsters that you only think you know but in fact play by other cultural rules.

No, no, no… Not doing that today. Yeah, the idea of this concept was to look at an unfamiliar form of a familiar monster, to look at the other versions of the classic monsters we know and love from American popular culture. But it seems that when it comes to lake monsters we know more about the international beasties than we do our own homegrown critters. Yeah, we do see variations on the “Lake Monster” theme set in America, but more often than not it’s about a giant octopus, a giant alligator, a giant snake, or a bunch of prehistoric piranha. It’s actually relatively rare that we see something like a Crater Lake Monster. And, of course, thanks to Syfy Saturday Nights we frequently get the Megaboacrocsupergatorsharktapusnado monsters, but the less said about them the better.

Know Your Monsters: The Isitwalangcengce

In this hyper-political age we’ve seen what seems to be an almost unending debate among the political class of this land over the highly charged topic of immigration reform. Countless hours are spent arguing whether this person or that person should be allowed citizenship for this country, whether still others should even be allowed into the country at all, and of course whether or not we’re giving some “a free pass” to citizenship. But what we have not seen, my friends, is the much more important question addressed. Should these people be able to bring their monsters with them?

Because, let’s face it, until this is addressed they will continue to come, and eventually you will be faced with a kill or be killed situation with a creature that doesn’t follow the rules as you know them. Since we can’t count on legislation, we’ll have to turn to education. To that end, this series will give you the basics on the monsters that you only think you know but in fact play by other cultural rules.

Today’s monster is the The Isitwalangcengce.

Know Your Monsters: The Chinese Vampire

In this hyper-political age we have what seems to be an almost unending debate among the political class of this land over the highly charged topic of immigration reform. Countless hours are spent arguing whether this person or that person should be allowed citizenship for this country, whether still others should even be allowed into the country at all, and of course whether or not we’re giving some “a free pass” to citizenship. But what we have not seen, my friends, is the far more important question being addressed. Should these people be able to bring their monsters with them?

Because, let’s face it, until this is addressed they will continue to come, and, eventually, you will be faced with a kill or be killed situation with a creature that simply refuses to follow the monster slaying rules as you know them. Since we can’t count on legislation, well, we’ll have to turn to education. To that end, seeking to save innocent lives, this series will give you the basics on the monsters that you only think you know but in fact play by other cultural rules.

Today’s monster is the Chinese vampire.