(Useless) I want my own entrance music and location specific pyro. And I don’t want one that starts when I walk into the room either. None of that stuff where you hear the first note as the guy walks into sight. No, my ego wants one like Metallica’s, Christian Cage’s or Chris Jericho’s. With Metallica, the warm up act was over and you would wait and wait and wait for them to come out. Rather than just coming out with no build up, Metallica played Ennio Morricone’s “The Ecstasy of Gold” over the speaker system. Fans knew that once that started playing the band was coming. Great build up. With Jericho and Cage, you get a countdown/music intro to get everyone’s heads turning and the anticipation up. That’s what I want.
(Unrealistc) I want a TV Time Tuner. Never heard of it before? Well, that’s because I just made it up. What it “is” would be something like the normal TV tuner box, but it would have three additional tuners to go along with the standard channel option. One would be the month-day-year control, one would be location and the other would be time of day.
Now, most of you are just thinking about being able to catch the game despite work or some silly, trivial thing like that. No. Stuff that. That’s what they gave you DVRs for. Me? I want to be able to go on a nostalgia binge. That TV show I loved that isn’t on anymore and will likely never see DVD release? That’s my target for the tuner. Yeah, Struck by Lightning, Condo, uncut WKRP, Children of the Stones, Into the Labyrinth, Brimstone and Grapevine (the first one, not the crappy second one) are just waiting out there somewhere.
And, hey, what about the real geek out moments? What about all those Doctor Who episodes that were destroyed years before the BBC knew what that show would one day become? There’s a popcorn night with fellow geeks for yah. And what do you think you could make $$$$$$ wise by hooking that baby up to a good DVD recorder and selling the “found” prints to the BBC these days? Or what about all those other things lost to time? Be a lazy geek and set for life.
(Unrealistic) I want the six panel workout program. Oh come on… You’ve seen it. We all have. Every comic book reader has. 90% of the comics out there used to cover the history of a character with very little deep detail unless it was the origin story. Other than that, you got the “and after years of training and honing his skills” bit where you saw six panels of gymnastics, weight lifting, running, martial arts and whatnot followed by a panel of the hero standing there looking like he was chiseled out of stone. Well, I want that program cause the regular one is taking way too long to get back in shape with and it’s hard to do with an infant in the house demanding your every second of attention.
(Useless) Belly button lint removal nanobots. Nuff said.
(Useless & Unrealistic) Portaljons. Look again, there’s an “L” in there. See, I was watching Stargate SG-1 and figured that tech like that would have much better uses than space travel. How about a small, carry-on size gate with locked in coordinates to another gate on Pluto or something. Whenever you need to go, you just find an isolated area free from prying eyes, open the gate and get rid of that last bottle of water you gulped down. And if the tech evolved to Farscape level tech, you could set it up so that you could control the point of exit for the other end of the wormhole. You know, like over the boss’s desk or next to an American Idol contestant.
(Unrealistic) The Victory Streak: Issue #1 by year’s end.
Live by the sword, Bill…